Balance in an Unbalanced World

balance

Happy: feeling or showing pleasure or contentment.

I often question my happiness in life.

When people ask me how I like my job I always reply with, “I love it!”, but is that the truth? There are often days I am swamped with emails, get a headache from the stress, and don’t even have time for lunch… do I love my job then?

When people ask me how school is going I always reply with, “Great!”, but is it really great? I dread going to class, I forget to do my homework, and studying for tests seems nearly impossible… is school great then?

When people ask me how I am I always reply with, “Tired, busy, but good!”, but do two negatives really make a positive?

All the things I do and that I am involved with are inherently good things like, education, work, small group, family and friends! No one would argue against that, but on a daily basis they have turned into things I dread.

Becoming obsessed with the idea of happiness is a dangerous game to play, but you also should not live your life in misery. But where is the balance? Where do you draw the line?

Unfortunately my answer often to just throw my hands up, ignore it all, and shut down. Internally that is. I am a very outgoing person, I love talking, meeting new people, and having a lively social life. I don’t stop any of this when I become overwhelmed, I just internalize it all. I become anxious, stressed, and extremely irritable. I have found recently that all these feelings get unloaded on those I care about. My family, friends, and my boyfriend, even when they are doing nothing other than trying to help me.

We live in an unbalanced world, a world that tells us that we deserve to be happy. A world that tells us our happiness is the most important thing and should be held up above all else.

I make no claim that we deserve happiness, but can’t it at least be something we strive for? What is so wrong with that?

While I understand as Christian women we should always be pursuing Jesus, and when we each make the commitment to follow Jesus we are made no promise of happiness. But at what point do we make changes in our life to attempt to achieve more happiness? At what point is it okay to start to try to bring balance to our lives ourselves? While ultimately everything is God’s Plan we still have freewill. How much are we to exercise our free will, and how much are we to trust God?

I suppose the answer is to fully and wholeheartedly do both to the best of our abilities.

I have started to make an effort to try to start taking hold of my stress, acknowledging it, and examining it. I ask myself why am I stressed? Sometimes they are practical things, like I am living in filth so need to clean my apartment or I have no clean clothes so I need to do laundry. If that is the case I make those things my next priority above all else. If my stress is coming from things I cannot change like long term plans, waiting for a response to an email, or something of that nature I put it on a to-do list a put it in a box in the back of my mind. There is no use to wasting your precious time and energy on something you have no control over.

My daily prayer has become… God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I cannot accept, and the wisdom to know the difference.

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Worthy of Love

God & ManYou want to fall in love again. You want to open, to trust, to let someone in. But you’re holding back. You’re keeping people at arm’s length. You’re pushing away anything that closely resembles affection because you don’t want to take the risk. You’ve shied away from relationships, from connections, from anything deep…

via For Every Strong, Sensitive Woman Afraid To Love Again — Thought Catalog

To the boy who had my heart…

You’ll say this is dramatic.

You’ll say I’m emotional.

You pride yourself on your ability to be logical but it seems as though the tables have turned.

I’m not sure yet if I want you to find this post..maybe if you do I’ll just call it a happy accident.

 

You held my heart in your hands and I trusted you with it. I trusted you not to break it or drop it, or to let it stop beating. In one swift motion you did all three.

 

The three words never left either of our lips but that’s not because I didn’t want them to. We were waiting. We thought if we ever broke up it would make things easier… it’s almost comical how wrong we were.

When you walk into the room my heart gets tight, my breath catches in my throat, and I have to drag my eyes away from you.

You may have hurt me more than I thought any one person ever could, but for some reason that doesn’t make me love you less.

When I look at you I see the last two years of memories flash through your eyes. I picture you driving me in your car with the windows down, your hat on backwards, screaming our song at the top of your lungs.

When I drive by the exit your house it off of I imagine the twists and turns I used to drive to get to your house and the summer days I spent by your pool.

 

Above all I worry about you. I worry what you do in your free time. I wonder if you think about me as much as I think about you. I question why you did it and if you still stand by your decision.

I wonder if you are as lost and confused as I am.

You were my other half. My partner in crime. My best friend. And you broke my heart.

 

I lay awake at night wondering if you know what you’ve done to me. That you’re all I think about, all I worry about, all I cry about.

It’s crazy to me that I’ve given you this much power over me. That even once you’ve removed yourself from my life I still care about you this much even when you clearly told me you didn’t care about me enough to stay.

All you had to do was stay.

All I did was care about you.

What’s so wrong about that?

Apparently more than I thought.

Why a Break Up is SO MUCH Harder Then You Think…

  1. You’re not just broken up with them, you’re broken up with their family and their pets. And you can’t explain to pets that you’ll never see them again.
  2. Everything reminds you of them. A song that comes on at the gym, a phrase someone absentmindedly says, the smell of a certain food, a TV show or movie, certain outfits, the list goes on and on…
  3. Your phone is suddenly silent. The person you used to be able to text 24/7 is no longer available to you. The first time something awesome, or funny happens you can’t tell them.
  4. You no longer have weekend plans.
  5. Social Media. They’re always there, and the urge to cyberstalk is almost too much to handle. Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Snapchat. They’re everywhere.
  6. You have to put away their things you’ve had on display for who knows how long. That picture frame on your desk, the cards from various holidays, the cheesy stuffed animals, all have to go in a box.
  7. You have to find new jewelry to wear because most of your everyday jewelry was from them.
  8. It’s impossible not to think about them. You wonder how their day is going, what they’re doing right now, if they’re thinking about you… You just can’t help it.
  9. You just have to accept that sometimes there’s nothing you can do but try to move on, and even though that feels nearly impossible, it will eventually happen, and it will be okay.

8 Tips From My 1st Week of College

nku lake

  1. Don’t feel like you need to go out and find a party to have fun. Contrary to popular belief, it is actually okay to stay in! You can have just as much fun, maybe even more just staying in and getting to know your roommates!
  2. Go the events even if you go alone. If a club you’re interested in is having an event go to it, even if you roommate doesn’t want to go with you. Chances are everyone will be welcoming, and you might even make some new friends!
  3. That being said though, don’t eat alone. We all know that feeling, walking into a dining hall or cafeteria and not knowing anyone, and wondering where you’re going to sit. Just find two people, or someone else sitting alone, and ask if you can join them! The chances of them saying no is almost slim to none, so just go for it!
  4. Wear comfortable shoes. Alright girls listen up, no matter how cute your shoes are, after walking around campus for a few hours it won’t matter how cute they are if they’re not comfortable. Comfy and cute does exist, you’ve just gotta look!
  5. Print out your syllabuses. I was told so many times that college isn’t like high school and teachers expect you to be prepared, and even over prepared for class, but apparently this even applies on the first day to school. If your syllabuses are available to you before classes start, and you want a hard copy,  print them out because your teachers will not give them to you. (Learned this one the hard way)
  6. Make your bed. This may not seem important but, the first time you want to bring some of your new friends to see your room, or your roommates parents stop by, you will be glad you did. And it just feels nice to get into a make bed at night!
  7. Keep your room tidy. Your dorm is already a tiny space and having it messy will only make it feel smaller. And see #6.
  8. Don’t be afraid to go home. People might try to tell you this is not a good idea, that you need to stay on campus and get used to life there, but I can say from experience it’s not the end of the world to go home. After a long week of meeting new people, eating new food, getting used to having roommates, it’s nice just to go home and be able to relax for a bit. While you’re there let your parents ask you questions, talk your ear off, make you food, and take you shopping because It will mean just as much to them as it does to you.

Good luck to anyone starting classes this week! It’s not a scary as it sounds, just breathe, and enjoy the ride.